The Neuroscience of Feedback: 4 Steps to Say Any Difficult Message Well

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In today's fast-paced work environment, providing effective feedback is crucial for boosting morale, motivation, and performance. However, delivering feedback can be a delicate matter, and that's all thanks to the way our brains work. In this article, we'll dive into the neuroscience behind feedback, explore how to give meaningful feedback, and highlight the importance of asking for feedback in achieving growth and improvement.

The Neuroscience of Feedback

Research suggests that our brains are wired to respond to feedback in a unique way. According to Daniel Kahneman, Nobel laureate and author of Thinking, Fast and Slow, our minds employ two distinct systems for processing information: System 1 (intuitive) and System 2 (deliberative). When it comes to feedback, our brains tend to gravitate towards the System 1 response, relying on past associations, emotional reactions, and social norms rather than objective analysis.

The Psychology of Feedback Receiving

When receiving feedback at work, we experience a complex interplay between emotions, self-perception, and behavior. Humans tend to learn from and emulate behavior that we see, which is why the power of observation plays a significant role in shaping who we are and who we can become. By watching others' actions, we evaluate what works and what doesn't, and then refine our own behaviors to achieve our goals.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the foundation for receiving and responding to feedback well. EI refers to an individual's ability to recognize, understand, and manage their own emotions, as well as understanding those of others. People with high EI tend to be more receptive to feedback, use it as a learning opportunity, and exhibit better work performance.

A Framework for Giving Meaningful Feedback

Cognitive psychologist LeeAnn Renninger suggests four science-backed steps to giving meaningful feedback:

1. The micro-yes: Start the conversation by asking an open-ended question that sets the stage for the discussion.
2. Data points: Provide specific examples or observations without making objective statements.
3. Impact statement: Explain how the data point impacted you or the team.
4. Question: Encourage the other person to contribute by asking them to suggest the best path to resolution and become a joint problem-solving partner.

Example: Someone you manage did not contribute to an important team meeting.  Now, critical information may not be available for the team to move forward with a project.

(Step 1 - Micro-Yes) "Can I talk you about our team meeting the other day?"

(Step 2 - Data point) "I noticed that you didn't contribute to the team call."

(Step 3 - Impact statement) "When you didn't share your perspective, we didn't have all the variables on the table for the team to think through."

(Step 4 - Question) "What do you think is the best way to make sure we're all on the same page for the project?"

The Importance of Asking for Feedback

Just as importantly, Feedback-giving is not just about others; it's also about ourselves. We all have biases and assumptions that affect our perceptions, and being aware of these limitations is central to giving and receiving feedback productively.

When we're open to learning from others and willing to receive feedback, we create an environment where growth and improvement are possible. And we can help each other become better leaders by being willing to listen, learn, and adapt to new information and ideas.  We have to take intentional time to stop, and override the System 1 part of our brain.

We as humans are a tapestry of learned behavior.  True leadership is not just about getting things done or being in charge, it’s about setting the stage for others to succeed.  The key to growth and success lies not in thinking we have all the answers, but in being willing to ask for input and learn. When we approach feedback with humility, we open ourselves up to new ideas, perspectives, and ways of doing things. And that's where the real learning happens -individually,  together, and as a team of people who are committed to growing and improving every day.

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